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In my mission, I journeyed into the darker side of the female psyche. For the past week, steered by a small bunch of female friends, I experienced the thoughts, anxieties and simple daily tasks of a 21st-century woman. I worried about cellulite, obsessed about finding the right partner and thought constantly about my biological clock.Dragging myself away from the newly-sparkling lavatory bowl, I realise I need to give consideration to what I am going to wear today. So I skip breakfast completely - like many busy women - and head into town. I knew I would need a handbag but lacked the courage to walk around with the genuine article.All the women I've consulted about this experiment emphasise that they don't merely pull on the clothes they threw over the back of a chair the night before, as I do: they put considerable effort into it. I have seen inside women's handbags and, for authenticity, filled mine with the following items: a hairbrush, old receipts, an umbrella, several pens that don't work, loose change, fluff, and a spare pair of pants.For the rest of the day, I try to stop myself wondering if people can tell I'm wearing make-up.A woman, of course, doesn't mind this being obvious. I haven't been in this position since I drank too many tequilas in 2005. This, according to one of my friends, is the most effective way of keeping your weight down. Suspicious, he starts to talk about the England-Russia game. Women, I am told, are more inclined to clean things than men - and it's a well-known fact that men are slovenly in the bathroom. So I find myself on my knees on the bathroom floor. I'm also going to think about my diet and have resolved to go on a no wheat, no sugar, no dairy eating plan.

She ushers me over to the counter and makes me pay for something which looks like a gold pen but is in fact Touche Eclat, which, she tells me, will "add a touch of radiance anywhere on my complexion where shadows appear".I'm well into my experiment but am struggling to worry about all the things my female friends do.I must try harder to worry about my biological clock."It's in here somewhere," I tell the shop assistant. Julie uses scientific jargon, citing ceramides and light-reflecting pigments.She tilts the mirror so I can see what she has done.

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